Thursday, January 13, 2011

Please Hold

This is a topic I stole from a girl named Krissy, a friend of a friend who I do not know.
The topic is:  ironic songs to hear on hold, while calling a hotline.

Krissy's 2 classics are:
"I Won't Forget You" by Poison - on an Alzheimers hotline.
"Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J - on a Child Abuse hotline.

Krissy & I both independently had:
"I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar - on a traffic school register-by-phone system.


Here are some of my ideas:
"Changes" by David Bowie - on a hotline for those considering Sexual Reassignment.

"Hard To Handle" by The Black Crowes - on an Erectile Dysfunction hotline.

"Me Myself and I" by De La Soul - on a hotline for Schizophrenics.

"Summertime Blues" by various (Beach Boys notably) - on a Seasonal Affective Disorder hotline.

"Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran - on an Anorexia hotline.

"Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood - on a hotline for people with nervous issues.

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen - on a hotline for people grieving the loss of loved ones.

"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" by BTO or "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood - on a hotline for people with stuttering issues (you may have to think about those songs a bit).

"Parents Just Don't Understand" by Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff - on a hotline to help parents talk to their kids.

"Loser" by Beck - on a hotline for athletes trying to get over a tough defeat.

"She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd - on a hotline for dudes trying to overcome a rough breakup.

"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar - on a hotline for bullies trying to change their lifestyle.

"Blow Up The Outside World" by Soundgarden - on a hotline for reporting potential terroristic threats.

"Don't Worry Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin - on a Depression hotline?

"Freedom" by George Michael - on a hotline for prisoners (made better by the fact that he likes man sex).

"Touch Me" by The Doors - on a hotline for molestation victims (sorry).

"Big Balls" by AC/DC - on a Penis Envy hotline.

"Walk Tall" by John Mellencamp - on a hotline for midgets.

"Beat It" by Michael Jackson - on a hotline for those obsessed with masturbation (ummm, I'm like, not one of them, or something).


Disclaimer: there is nothing funny about any of the diseases, conditions, or situations listed above (aside from E.D. and of course midgets).

3 comments:

  1. How about-"The little things that kill" by Bush on a hotline for midgets.

    p.s. now I'm obsessed with the idea of there being a hotline for midgets. What do they talk about?

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  2. "My Generation" by the Who for the stuttering hotline

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  3. Excellent contributions y'all!

    A midget hotline: they would discuss all the woes of being a midget, such as being called a "midget" vs a "little person," the ethics of dwarf tossing, and playing stand-ins for child actors.

    How would you like to be the one fielding the calls for the stu-stu-stuttering hotline? Oh, that would be so fru-fru-frustrating!

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