A Press Conference

The 2 best things about being famous would be the likely financial reward and the ability to call press conferences.  It seems like celebrities can call a press conference for just about anything, and I am envious of this.  My favorite press conference of all time happened when former Dodgers catcher Mike Piazza held a press conference to dispell rumors that he was a homosexual.  As the press gathered around, the baseball player stated "I'm not gay.  I like women."  Sidenote: the press conference didn't really dispell any rumors.  In fact, in my opinion, his urge to come public with his heterosexuality made him even more suspect.

So anyways, if I was famous, I would like to call a press conference for something completely random.......

If I was famous....like if I was an actor on the #1 TV show in America, 'Cops and Doctors,' a show about cops and doctors.  America loves shows about cops and shows about doctors, but this show has both!  A slam dunk for successful ratings.  The further genius behind the show that would keep people glued is that the storyline for the cops and doctors never mix, so viewers keep tuning in to find out how it will all come together.  Only the final episode, we will find out that the main character cop and the main character doctor are really long lost brothers separated at birth....not just separated figuratively, but literally separated conjoined twins....but they don't look the same.  Of course, there never will be a final episode since 'Cops and Doctors' would last for eternity.

Okay, so I would play Andrew Beverly (that's supposed to be my TV name because it's my middle name & the street I grew up on.)  Andrew Beverly is neither a cop nor a doctor....he is just a really good-looking, really wealthy guy who lives in the same town where all the copness and doctorosity happens.

I would like to call a press conference.  The media gets wind of this and goes nuts.  Oh my gosh, 'Cops and Doctors' star Nate Beck has called a press conference, what's this going to be all about?  Rumors and whispers would ensue......

Maybe he is retiring from 'Cops and Doctors.'

Maybe he is adopting some poor, starving child from some far away land, like Mississippi.

Maybe he is denying rumors of homosexuality, with Mike Piazza.

Maybe he is breaking up with 'Cops and Doctors' co-star, Madison Burge (who currently plays Becky Sproles on 'Friday Night Lights.'

Maybe he is announcing his intentions to run for President of the U.S.A. (the Unappreciated Sippers of Applejuice).

What could it be?

There would be so much hype for this press conference.  All the press would be gathered together in a tiny room trying to get their best viewpoint.  Whispers would fill the room until my P.R. guy would step up to the mic......."Ladies and gentlemen of the press, Nate Beck has gathered you here today for a very special announcement.  Without further ado, Mr. Nate Beck."

I would step up to the podium, clear my throat, and begin my speech.

"Ummm, my balls itch.  Thanks for taking your time to be here today.  I will not be fielding any questions."

Then my P.R. guy would thank everyone for respecting my privacy and send the press off on its way.